Sometimes Quiet Is Violent
by JercyShore
Summary: Percy has a mental breakdown once he's alone for the first time. Just a short drabble thing I wrote based upon a scene from Perks of Being a Wallflower.


After saying goodbye to Annabeth and the others and wishing them a safe trip back to California, Percy made his way back to his mom and step dad's apartment in Manhattan where he'll be staying at for his senior year. Annabeth was going to see and stay with her dad for a bit while Jason, Reyna, Frank, Hazel returned to Camp Jupiter. He didn't tell Annabeth or the others that he would be alone at home until his mom and Paul returned from their day out which would be later that evening because he knew they'd wouldn't leave for California until someone was home to stay with him and he didn't want that. He also didn't tell Sally and Paul that everyone was leaving for California earlier than they thought because he knew Sally and Paul would insist on skipping out on their day out together. He didn't want them giving up a relaxing day just to babysit him to make sure he's okay and if he's being honest, he just wants some alone time for a bit. He loves spending time with his friends and family, he truly does, but he wants a few minutes to himself without anyone constantly asking him if he's okay or if he needs anything. He's okay, he doesn't need to be treated like he's some patient in a mental institution. All he needs is for everyone to back off a bit and give him the space he desperately wants and to stop treating him like he's a fragile piece of glass. He's fine.

While making his way back home he found himself standing in front of the Empire State Building; the building that held so many memories. Looking up at the painful reminder of the first war he's been through, his thoughts went to Luke Castellan; the former head counsellor of the Hermes cabin and one of the first few friends he made at camp. Thinking about Luke made him feel guilty. Luke may have betrayed him but he could see Luke's point of view and why he did the things he did. He's not saying what Luke did was right, but he understands where Luke was coming from. He was resentful and angry and anger can cause people to do lots of crazy things. Luke may have been a traitor but he was the one to save Olympus in the end, he was the true hero of the prophecy and Percy feels absolutely terrible because it isn't fair. Luke was the true hero and yet he was the one to die. The fates are cruel, he knows that, but why did Luke or Leo or anyone have to die when they helped save the world? Maybe if he could've convinced Luke in the woods to stay at camp? What if he would've tried harder to convince Luke on the boat or while fighting over the Golden Fleece for Thalia's tree?

What if he would've stopped Leo, Jason, and Piper to fight to defeat Gaea and helped out instead? Why Leo? It's not fair. Leo was a..good kid. An annoying pain in his and Frank's asses who liked to make jokes 90% of the time, but Leo was a great friend to Piper, Jason, and Hazel. Leo may have been a lot of things but he didn't deserve the fate he got. He may not have been as close to Leo as the others, but his death still had an impact on him, not as big of an impact like on Jason or Piper or Hazel even, but it still affected him. It was like losing Luke again in a way, he feels like he could've prevented both of their deaths (even though everyone else knows he couldn't have), and he regrets it because there had to be something he could've done to help. Like with Luke, he and Leo weren't really friends but they could have been the closest of friends if it wasn't for certain events. He and Leo never bonded and that's what Percy regrets. They could've been great friends with their similar sense of humor, but the fates are cruel.

And Nico, the poor kid can never get a break. Losing his older sister Bianca who was basically the only family he had left until he met Hazel, when he was only ten years old scarred him a bit. Percy feels a lot of guilt and resentment towards himself surrounding Bianca's death. Everyone can say what they want and tell him Bianca's death wasn't his fault, but they're not the ones who promised Nico they'd keep his sister safe and alive, they're not the ones who had to tell him his older sister and the only family he had left was dead, they're not the ones who had to feel Nico's anger and hatred pointed towards them.

They don't know how it felt to promise an innocent ten year old kid the safety of his older sister and then letting that kid down because he couldn't fulfill his end of the promise and having to watch that sweet innocent child who loved mythomagic turn into a child that held so much anger and resentment and do a complete 180. Nico wasn't the same after Bianca's death and Percy can't help but take blame for that. And then, the icing on the cake, Percy was to oblivious to notice Nico's old crush on him. That may not be his fault, but he feels bad because he can imagine how badly it must feel to witness the person you like, be in love with someone else. He was almost crushed when he thought Annabeth would be the one to join the hunters.

Nico did tell him that he's over his crush now and to not worry about it but still. Nico also may or may-not-be dating Will Solace in the near future (he totally had bets on the two of them getting together in a month tops against Jason but that's not the point), but he's getting better now that he has Hazel, Will, Reyna, and Jason as close friends. Percy's just glad that Nico decided to stay at camp now that's he's finally starting to feel like he belongs.

As Percy finally makes it home and into his mom's apartment, he can't shake away the guilt and resentment he feels towards himself. He hasn't been alone in a really long time, even when he was back at camp and sleeping in his cabin, Annabeth was always cuddled up to his side. The memories from Tartarus still haunting them, making them too scared to sleep alone and without each other. But now that he's alone he can't stop his thoughts from racing from seeing himself giving Luke Annabeth's dagger and witnessing his death, to seeing Nico screaming at him after finding out about Bianca's death, to seeing his fellow demigods from both wars who'd fallen from fighting traitorous demigods and monsters. From seeing his fellow demigods dying to seeing Annabeth and himself falling into Tartarus, to hearing and seeing his friends reactions about learning of Leo's death, to back to seeing himself giving Luke the dagger resulting in Luke's death, the only words he can muster out his "it's my fault" and "stop it."

Then he's opening his eyes and he's back in hell. He sees himself choking the Goddess of Misery with her own poison, wanting to know how much misery Misery can take. He sees Annabeth crying and begging him to stop. Then the scene changes and he's witnessing Annabeth receiving Calypso's curse and screaming and crying for him. The scene changes again and he's seeing Silena Beauregard, the brave daughter of Aphrodite who helped save the world, death again. He's seeing Clarisse La Rue, Ares' daughter and Silena's best friend, holding her close as Silena takes her last breath crying.

The scene changes again and he's seeing his mother crying, he tries to reach out to her to tell her it's okay, he's okay, but he can't move or speak. He can't breathe. The scene changes again and he's back at camp washing up from Calypso's island when he sees Annabeth over his shroud crying, believing he's dead. This time the shroud burns completely and everyone's leaving and Annabeth runs past him with tears running down her cheeks not noticing him. Percy tries to stop her to tell her he's okay and alive but he's paralyzed.

The scene changes again and now he sees himself fighting Jason with so much ferocity that he's afraid they might kill each other. Then Jason has him pinned to the ground, hands around his throat choking him, screaming at him that it's all his fault Leo's dead and its his fault for not stepping in to help fight and defeat Gaea. Suddenly Percy can't breathe and all he sees is Jason's above him glaring down at him with murder on his face, the voices of his friends in the background cheering Jason on to finish him off, nobody stepping in to save him. Not that Percy blames them, he deserves this, he deserves death for all he didn't do to save his friends. Percy's eyes start to close as his breathing slows down and the last thing he sees is the murderous look on Jason's face before his eyes finally close and his breathing stops.

Then his eyes open and he's sitting on his bed in his room with tears falling down his cheeks finally being able to breathe -again. He doesn't know how he made it from the front door to his room across the apartment but he ignores that and instead his mind races back to Luke and seeing himself giving Luke that damn dagger. He tries to ignore that and tries to focus on figuring out how he's gonna make a rainbow to iris message Nico at camp.

"Nico, Percy's on iris message for you." Will looked over at Nico who was helping him out in the infirmary for the day and walked back over to one of the few injured patients. Nico walked over to the iris message with a confused expression.

"Hello?"

"Hey Nico."

"Percy?" Nico looked at Percy who was sitting on his bed in his bedroom at his parents' apartment in Manhattan with his head down.

"Everyone left and I just can't stop thinking about something."

Nico gave Percy a questioning glance, but looked back at the medicine cabinet in front of him. "What?" Nico said starting to arrange the medicine in Alphabetical order since he was bored and the infirmary wasn't too busy. He hated how unorganized everything in the infirmary was. He's starting to think Annabeth and Jason are rubbing off on him.

"Nico, I killed Luke didn't I?" Nico froze and felt his blood run cold. "I'm the one who gave him Annabeth's dagger so I guess I killed him. Right? I tried to stop thinking that but I can't. I keep seeing me giving him the dagger.."

Nico looked over at Will who was already giving him a worried look. Percy didn't randomly call Nico or anyone in that matter besides his mother to chat. Nico whispered to him so Percy wouldn't be able to hear. "Go get Chiron and tell him to call Sally and tell her to get home immediately. It's an emergency." Quickly turning his gaze back to his somewhat friend and former crush.

"..and seeing him dying over and over. I can't stop him. I'm crazy Nico.."

"No, Percy listen to me." Nico tried to keep his voice steady while trying not to breakdown himself. "I'll call your mom and Paul to see about you an-"

"..thinking..what if I wanted Luke to die Nico? What if I wanted everyone to die Nico?" Percy looked up at Nico with tearful red eyes and tear stained cheeks from crying. He didn't look so great; his face was pale, his hair was standing up in all sorts of directions, his lip was trembling. And from what Nico could tell, he was visibly shaking.

"What?..Percy." The iris message dissolving, Nico's voice cracking, "PERCY!"


End file.
